I’ve noticed a trend the last month or so of power struggles increasing in the couples that I see. I think it has to do with rising panic, uncertainty and an interminable timeline. There is a sense that if we seek control then we will feel more stable and calm, and in fact the opposite is true. Searching for control often increases our anxiety. Reaching for the illusion of control can decrease our self confidence when we realize that there is no certainty. We can also attempt to control one another in our relationships, leading to an increase in unhealthy conflicts.

I have noticed that there is a need to go back to the concept that the Gottman Institute has researched for almost fifty years: how to accept influence from our partners. I think the research can be applied to accepting influence from chaos as well, because it requires a level of faith instead of certainty. It requires jumping off a cliff into vulnerability instead of mitigating risks taken in the relationship.

I love this blog and encourage anyone wanting to improve accepting influence to read: https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-accepting-influence/